Dear Potential Employer,
I saw your job posting for, “demeaning entry level position” and I assure you out of the thousands of college graduates who will be applying for this low paying position, I will certainly be the most desperate candidate. I don’t really have the exact skills you were talking about in your description, but I have a piece of paper that says I’m smart and more than $20,000 in student loans that says I need any job that will take me. But don’t throw away this letter yet! I haven’t even gotten to the fun part where I tell you useless information about myself.
For starters, I’m totally organized. In my room at home there is a place for everything. Clean clothes can be found in my laundry basket, dirty clothes can be found in a separate laundry basket, and they can also be found on the floor. It’s a really good system that I’ve been perfecting for years. Along with my organizational skills I’m quite determined, and work hard to get the task at hand done. I mean I once ate 7 1/2 pancakes. If that doesn’t show my perseverance then I don’t know what will. I also can grant you your spirit animal, and can recall movie lines from every film that I’ve ever seen. Not just the funny lines that are in the trailer, I’m talking full blown monologues.
As far as “real world experiences” go I’ve only had a few, but they were real…and worldly. Have I spent a lot of time working in an office? Well, no. And no I don’t exactly know that much about computers except how to turn them on and look up files, but I’m young and I’ll figure it out. After all, I have faked my way through a bakery job, several internships, and still managed to graduate on time so that has to give me a little bit of credit.
I know I didn’t really go to the, “right school” and my degree in the vague field of Communications doesn’t mean much to you, but I’ve got a really good sense of humor. And if you throw in some extra vacation time I’ll laugh at your jokes that aren’t even funny. Just kidding, I’ll laugh at your jokes no matter what because I’m a loyal employee. I hope that this brief letter gives you some sort of idea of the person I am, and it has convinced you that I know what I’m doing. Even though we all know that I absolutely have no clue.
Please, hire me.
Broke College Graduate
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